Account for the hidden costs of fear and inaction

According to life coach Zander Fryer, there are two reasons we make choices, purpose and fear. Hearing this resonated with me for two reasons. First, purpose is a core component to my Get Happiness system. But more pertinent to me is how this affected my life. 

Over the course of my adult life, I have done many things, things made possible by different steps in my career. I coached my daughters, traveled, bought houses, etc. There were things I was aware of that were not ideal in my choice, but I did not reflect closely on the hidden tradeoffs, the hidden costs if you will of staying where I was. 

As I worked in different roles, each of them was purely out of fear ofnot being able to provide. What I did not take into account were the hidden costs of my trade off that I have now faced. You see along my path I have had challenges with alcohol. This has impacted many important aspects of my life. However, what I have since learned is that it was critical to keep me going all those years as it was medicating something much more insidious: depression. Depression caused by staying in a place without purpose, meaning, and actually a source of tremendous unhappiness for me. Once I dealt with alcohol, depression showed up and that is a hidden cost I had never imagined I would have to pay for. This depression was not new. Looking back, I see many instances where aspects of my life, relationships and decisions I made were impacted by an unknown depression needing medication. By most people, depression is not well-understood. I am not referring to the short-term feeling that things aren’t great today. Or the sadness associated with an event. I am referring to the feeling that you cannot find the energy to open a new bar of soap for your shower. That the thought of having to look up your password to open your computer is a task too daunting to take on. The fatigue that sleep and rest never solves. That the only time you feel normal is when medicated.  That was among the costs I was paying without realizing it. If I had taken the time to really, really reflect, deal with my fear and found my purpose, I think many aspects of the past 15 years would have been different. 

So, if you are not accounting for the hidden costs of staying where you are and fear is keeping you there, you may want to add that into your calculation. And if it no longer justifies the current course, it is time to make a change.